Christmas in the Fourth Dimension

With two hundred and forty three hours in every day, Christmas in the fourth dimension is nothing short of value packed. You really feel like you are having a day to remember; although, then again, Christmas might be the short one. There is a day with only three hours. They can do that there; in the fourth dimension. Or, rather, we can!

Yes, they say, “Have a nice day” “Do come again” to those that visit. And those that don’t we must assume, by the same token, are most welcome; or, at least, that’s what they say. For those who haven’t been, it is a most topsy-turvy place. Up is down and down is up, or, is that the other way round; perhaps both? Strange creatures are to be found; some so strange they shouldn’t be there at all. What………unicorns!? Pah! They are commonplace here, well, there. A dime a dozen, oh but as majestic and graceful in flight as anything you will ever see. Yes, something to behold, but there is another thing. They are infectious. Aren’t they just? No need for cupid while the unicorns reign. As they are everywhere, please keep your voices down otherwise they’ll hear, the mayor wants them culled. Ahem, he’s a Globalist of course, no surprise.

The crotchety old dragon in the big east cave most assuredly does not breathe fire. Those shining plumes are only a fashion accessory. I must say they do make him look rather grand. Though, I confess, if there was a Scrooge of the fourth dimension, he would be it. You see, they fuss; the dragons that is. If they simply carried on regardless, well they would be heroes of old. But, no, they always have to stick their noses in. Some don’t have noses, as such, but they find something to stick in that’s just as bad. Look, I know they mean well, but it just isn’t Christmas.

If I were to be sorry for something, it would be for the apes, or that’s what we call them here. In fact, I don’t know if they have even been invited. But, I suppose, having no heads makes things difficult. Their periscope eyes don’t help. Let’s face it; all three seem to have minds of their own. There are strict privacy laws here and I assure you the stricter they are the more private they become. Of course, the apes like to clamber all over those old fashioned box skyscraper buildings, doing apish things. Harmless fun; I don’t think they are even used these days. As we all know, decent folks live in spheres. Given a big enough area, the floor will be as flat as any box. Although, I must admit, it is exhilarating to host a banquet on the ceiling of one of those Rococo grand mansions, chandeliers ‘n all.

And it would not be Christmas without a feast. This year the dragons are doing it. Now I know what you are all going to say, but, frankly I agree. However, we cannot sink to the racist depths of those who eternally yen to destroy the spirit of Christmas. The dragons believe they are fun and they do do good magic. Everyone can agree on that. So the dragons are hosting Christmas this year. It’ll be neat. Remember last year I wore that water suit and the Kryllians tried to drink it. They should have known better. Oh, but was it last year? These long days make everything seem like eternity.

I felt it was a bit lazy to let the manuscripts make the music; as beautiful as it was. But, nothing beats watching fine artisans being creative. Oh, that’s right, the dratted Globalists organised last Christmas; probably friends of the mayor. Presents were out as they conflicted with the quota system.  Half the guests never received invites as they were wanted. Nobody has told me what they were wanted for. At least the dragons will invite everybody. Everyone can be assured they have been given strict orders not to eat any of the guests. We have been explicit and have had to put our foot down after….well, let’s not dwell on that.

Nobody believes they were holographs. And as for the Ceremony of Lipithuliphet, well, I cannot find a single person who’s heard of it. Even the wise vines of Auglothigol say it is nonsense. Time patches may be possible, but guests do not like to be eaten. Period! That’s why we’ve put our foot down this time. Those bloody Globalists and their offer of prime propaganda. Well Globalists your propaganda wouldn’t convince a two year old….with knobs on. “Dragons are nasty”. So, tell us something we don’t already know? Besides, dragons aren’t all bad. In fact, some say they only look frightening.

Let’s face it; they can do a really good show. Dynamo move on. Mind you that fusion of gothic and technology seems to transport the viewer into some kind of futuristic horror movie. But it is surely worth it for the effects. Wow……..and some! They take horror to a new level, all in the spirit of fun, of course. Oh yes! No, seriously, you’ve gotta love them. You really do not want to criticise them. That’s the safe way. They might only look terrifying.

Dragons do have their cuddly side. They tell me once you become familiar with their routine, all is good. That’s providing you are not eaten, of course, but I wouldn’t have thought that would have happened much; although, bizarrely, I have not yet found anyone who is familiar with their routine. Just a coincidence, I’m sure. They’re a good bunch of guys, ahem, the dragons that is. It is lucky for the penguins.

Or, rather, I think that is what they are. Nothing is as it seems in the fourth dimension. Everything certainly is larger than life here and when it’s not larger, well, it’s smaller, of course. They are fluffy, chirpy and resilient just as you would expect penguins to be. So I am satisfied. They are penguins. They tell me the dragons aren’t all that bad. A lot of it’s for show, they say. Oh yes and those disappeared critics, well they’re on holiday on the moon; all expenses paid. We’re not sure which moon, but it’s alright for some. No doubt a view with two suns and a blue planet while we’re all stuck in the drudgery of the fourth dimension.

We are pretty lucky to have what we have. Christmas would not the same without the town crier. Of course, the rest of the year he’s a Danish prince peeing in a fountain. Out of the ashes, poof, there’s a metamorphosis. Adonis rises.  Doesn’t everyone one love the penguins dance. They certainly show the Christmas spirit. Even the dragons might have a cuddly side. They do love the penguins, but I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t been smitten at first sight.

The penguins knew something else about the dragons; why they are scary. It is this that might have been behind their reputation, for dragons are judges. Good judges strip their defendants bare and expose their true characters. As everyone is just a little bit naughty, no wonder we were all apprehensive at Christmases presided over by dragons. Everyone loves presents and presents make Christmas in the fourth dimension the same as every other. Of course, Christmas should also be about all those noble traits; honour, compassion, humility, fairness, faith and, most of all, the most avoided trait of all; truth. Blinkered truth in a rose tinted world is not truth and that is what the dragons expose and that is why they are so feared.

Now, without any further ado, the dragons cordially invite everyone to their season’s feast. Gifts are a prerequisite. Each attendee must present courage, kindness, gallantry, patience, charity, mercy, honesty, generosity, loyalty, courtesy, cheerfulness, love, curiosity, accountability, enthusiasm or commitment to an unknown stranger. It should be neatly wrapped and tied up in a pretty little bow.

This is the spirit of Christmas in the fourth dimension.

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One thought on “Christmas in the Fourth Dimension

  1. Pingback: Christmas Cash | ozziethinker

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